Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Wedding Day Conspiracy

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.  Such a lovely bride, such a stunning dress....such a tiny waist. 

I started to think....what happened to my waist since my wedding day?  See the evidence below:

Tiny waist.  I can breathe and everything in that dress.  Slender arms, no hint of chin fat.  I didn't even have to say, "Let me know when you're about to take this picture so I can suck in!"

Something happened.  I can't explain it.  But, it's something dark and sinister.  Maybe it has to do with being happy in life.  Maybe it's getting older.  Maybe it's eating McDonald's when I'm pregnant instead of salad.

I saw this picture of myself today...and I wept:

2 chins.  Sausage arms.  Dolly Parton bust.  Big 'ol baby belly.   Sigh.

Better not tell this weekend's bride about this evil, unstoppable force.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mommyhood: Take 2

It's pure excitement to have a second baby. With my first, it was 50% excitement, 50% terror. This time around, though, I'm just not scared anymore. I don't plan on drowning in insecurities and 37 baby books that all say different things.

I've been pondering what I want to do differently this time around and, true to form, I made a Top-Ten list:

What I wish I would Have Done the First Time...

1. I will not live in fear that I don't know what's best for my baby. And I won't be afraid to tell a well-meaning relative/friend/stranger, "Thank you for your advice, but I'm her Momma."

2. I will not ruin my life and my daughter's life by trying to put her on a stringent schedule right away. I'm going to get to know her, enjoy the chaos and hold her as much as I can.

3. I won't debate my position on vaccines anymore. I've done the research, I've talked to doctors and we feel this is best for our babies.

4. I'm going to buy the most comfortable rocking chair known to man. Lord knows I'm going to be in it enough to make it worth the bucks. My best bud spent hundreds on hers, (I thought that was silly), but her back and hiney were much happier than mine, I'm sure.

5. I'm going to "wear" my baby this time. I wish I would have bought the sling with my first- he just loved being close to me all the time and carrying him everywhere was hard on my back.

6. I'm going to, (gulp!), stop eating dairy after the baby is born. My first-born would have had a MUCH happier belly if I had done that for him.

7. I will complain about not eating dairy and I will give you the evil eye if you eat ice cream in front of me.

8. I will have my Mom and Sis in the delivery room. Everything went wrong the first time, and I had never felt so alone. (Yes, my husband was there, but he stayed with our son when the nurse had to take him away.)

9. I will buy a nice, soft robe for my hospital stay. One that will keep all my chubby bits hidden when I have visitors.

10. I will ENJOY her...I will drink her in...I won't rush...I won't give myself a beating everytime I don't have my "to-do" list checked off...I will cherish this time.

The end.

Friday, May 20, 2011

It's a What??! Huh? How Did THAT happen?

I'll never be that Momma that can wait till the baby's born to find out if I have a son or daughter.  Nope, I feel that 5 months is long enough to wait.

So, off to the sonographer I went.  I thought it was a waste of time, really.  I knew I was having a boy as my pregnancies were identical, I have rock-solid mothering instincts, (insert: sarcasm), and I had already made a bet with my sister that it was a boy.  (My bets with my sister are brutal and humiliating).

Imagine our surprise when Leslie, while intently studying the picture on the screen, said, "It's a girl."

My mouth dropped open.  Me, who was to be the mother of a herd of boys, apparently had a daughter.  Um, how did that happen?  I know what to do with boys: buy play clothes and direct them to dirt.  I've watched my girlfriends with their daughters, and it just looks harder with slightly more, um, drama. 

But, oh my word, I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

We have a daughter!  I get to buy pink and frilly outfits!  We can have tea parties and play dress-up!  I can put gigantic bows in her hair!  She won't get married and leave me! 

So very many things to be thrilled about.  I've already delegated sewing projects to my Mom and Mother-in-Law.  This little princess shall be greeted in style: frills, ruffles, glitter and  a nursery with fru-fru in every corner.

Cause I'm the mommy of a daugther now.  It's how we roll.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Shame and McDonald's

I've kind of fallen off the wagon.

Almost a year ago, I swore off any meat that was cheap and easy.  I changed our grocery budget to accommodate healthy, organic meat and dairy.  I ate fish when we went out, and I only ate vegetarian when I had to eat fast food.

You would think that I would be even more dilligent now that I am pregnant.  (Yeah, me, too!!)

That is not the case.

I just ate 2 meals at McDonald's.  I could not function until I had a cheeseburger, nuggets and fries.  I am gross.  I wouldn't let Cale have any...but yet I subjected my growing baby to this grease-fest.  And then I had a Twix bar and a Nestle Crunch Bar.

I am hungry all the time.  Like.... I. Can't.  Get.  Enough.  Food.  In.  My.  Belly.

I didn't have this problem with my first pregnancy.  I don't know what to do.  Don't tell me to stop, or I will cry and tell you not to judge me.  I will tell you that I'll go on Weight Watchers in October.  I will tell you that I deserve this since I puked my guts out the first 4 months.

But don't take away my nuggets.  I couldn't take it.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Ode to Mummy

My Mom and I have a strange relationship.  I did not realize this until my boyfriend, now husband, told me once, "I can't believe how you and your Mom talk to each other.  I mean, you say ANYTHING!"  He was mortified; I thought it was normal.

We had a fairly typical mother/daughter relationship during my childhood.  She was the queen bee, she could control my behavior with "the eye", she never tolerated disrespect, she was the first one I ran to when I was hurting, she preached that all boys had cooties, she was more concerned about being my mother than being my friend, she monitored my make-up, she intervened when I tried to stuff my bra with cotton balls....you know....the usual mom stuff.

The big switch happened, however, once I was an adult.  She became much more fun.  We'd go dancing, shopping, road tripping and churching...and never once did I get "the eye."  She went from parent to friend, and I've never had such a blast.

When I became a mommy, I needed her like never before.  I couldn't function unless she was in the next room.  I couldn't even give my baby a bath without going into a panic. I fell apart, and she put me back together and became my biggest cheerleader. 

Now, as I'm settling into motherhood and she is living in the fun and freedom of  grannyhood, I have to laugh at the irony of the latest transition.  I told her today to watch her mouth.  I take her with me to the grocery store because I think she eats out too much.  I stay at home with my kiddo while she traipses off to Florida, Hawaii and Europe.  Total role reversal.

The one thing that has stayed constant is that we still say anything to each other.  While I was looking at a ring in the jewelry department today, she very seriously informed the saleslady that I needed to buy a ring because I was pregnant and no one would marry me.

Not so typical, but one hell of an amazing Mom.