The Wedding Day Conspiracy

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.  Such a lovely bride, such a stunning dress....such a tiny waist. 


I started to think....what happened to my waist since my wedding day?  See the evidence below:

Tiny waist.  I can breathe and everything in that dress.  Slender arms, no hint of chin fat.  I didn't even have to say, "Let me know when you're about to take this picture so I can suck in!"

Something happened.  I can't explain it.  But, it's something dark and sinister.  Maybe it has to do with being happy in life.  Maybe it's getting older.  Maybe it's eating McDonald's when I'm pregnant instead of salad.

I saw this picture of myself today...and I wept:

2 chins.  Sausage arms.  Dolly Parton bust.  Big 'ol baby belly.   Sigh.

Better not tell this weekend's bride about this evil, unstoppable force.

Business Partners and Sisters

The question I get most often about working with my sister is this: "Do ya'll fight?"

The answer: Of course.

Fighting isn't something we do a lot, but it sometimes happens. It doesn't get ugly, we don't hit below the belt and we don't go the ever-popular passive aggressive route. But, yes, we disagree. We hurt each other's feelings. We let each other down. We also periodically need to call and tattle to our mother.

At the end of the day, though, she and I just work. Her strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. She's assertive, I'm a peace-maker. She's artistic, I'm practical. She makes a wedding into a fairytale, I sell it.

She does this:




I do this:


Because we can't both be lining out a guest and hiding in the kitchen...

An Open Letter to Grooms

I gotta get this out. I meet with brides and grooms almost every weekend to talk about their wedding plans; and I see too much of the Completely-Bummed-Out-Groom. I totally understand that planning a wedding is more for the girls...but we need to talk.....

Dear Groomies,

You can summon a decent amount of enthusiasm to display for your bride as she talks about her wedding day. Slumping in your chair and staring at the ground is better left for the pouting toddlers when they don't get their way. Also, it is never advisable to blurt out, "I don't even want to do this." If you don't want to get married, grow a pair and break up with her; don't propose.

By supporting your bride through this process, you are showing that you will make a wonderful husband. Marriage involves being excited about your spouse's interests. And, here's an inside tip: she'll remember this on the honeymoon, dude.

Here are some appropriate responses to help you through this process:

1. Honey, I just want to marry you. Whatever you plan is great!
2. You're so beautiful I won't notice anything else.
3. All I care about is that, at the end of the day, you'll be my wife. (Had a groom say this once; I melted.)

Here are some inappropriate discussion topics:

1. The flask you want to have in your tuxedo jacket.
2. Your longing to fly to Vegas and "get it over with."
3. The only thing you're excited about being the bachelor party.

You're welcome. Now man up, put on a happy face and let's talk centerpieces.

Respectfully,
Your Wedding Planner

The Unexpected

As a wedding planner, I've learned to expect the unexpected at any wedding:

Red wine on the bridal gown?
No problem, I'll grab some club soda and we'll get it right out!

Mother-of-the-Bride hates the Mother-of-the-Groom?
No problem, let's all have some complimentary champagne.

The groom is missing and might be at the bar next door?
No problem, unruly grooms can be motivated by an angry Mother-of-the-Bride. Every time.

Bride calls off the wedding and runs away?
Okay, even I can't fix that one.

I try never to look shocked, and I try to keep a pleasant smile on my face so that no one gets panicky.

I did a bad job this time:

The Grandmother of the bride took a nasty fall in front of the chapel. She walked in with a busted nose, a busted lip and a bloody knee. I can't remember exactly what I did, but it was about as helpful as running around in circles screaming, "somebody call 911!" And, I might have had a mild panic attack, (blood freaks me out, I still don't know how I gave birth).

And this is why my business partner/sister rocks. She calmly took Grandma to the bathroom, and began patching her up, icing her down and fixing her make-up to hide the scratches. She accomplished all of this before the ceremony began.

I accomplished procuring a first-aid kit and getting control of my stomach. And then serving myself and Grandma some complimentary champagne.

Cause it's important to contribute...

Quality Control

I've been wearing a lot of stretchy pants lately. Wedding season is over, and I apparently did too much quality-control cake sampling:













It's an important part of my job. I take it seriously. I wouldn't want anyone to have a bad buttercream experience.

My waistline has requested I return to the gym.

Traitor.

Wedding Season Awards 2010!

The beginning of April marked the blast-off for our wedding season; we had 1-4 weddings every single weekend. I had a ball! Cake every weekend! Tears during every ceremony! Dancing every reception!

I am....tired.

Without further ado, here are my Wedding Season Awards for Spring 2010:

Most Shameful Moment
A Momzilla walked in while I was decorating a table. She didn't see me, so I crawled under the table and hid. And my sister had to deal with her.

Everlasting shame. I have no excuse.

Proudest Moment
When a Momzilla told us, "I've been so mean to you and you made everything perfect for my daughter's wedding day. Not one thing went wrong."

I then had an unchristian moment and wanted to throw out my ugly finger.

But I didn't. I smiled and replied, "Every Mom gets stressed."

Most Terrifying Moment
When I got a panicked call from my bride telling me she was going into emergency surgery 2 days before her wedding.

With some strong meds and a little champagne, she was feeling great on her wedding day.

Most Ridiculous Request
I got a panicked call at midnight from a groom that requested I forge a permit for something he forgot. He even went a step further and said, "I know you can do this! I have faith in you!"

Never, for one minute, think your faith will inspire any criminal activity on my part.

Biggest Melt-Down
During one particular wedding, we were being treated horribly by the clients and guests. I was frazzled beyond belief. So I did the professional thing and spazzed out on my sister. "I am not respected!" "No one loves me!" "Why did we start this business?!" "What is my purpose in life?!"

I then apologized. Then ate cake. And we hugged it out.

Favorite Moment
I overheard the father-of-the bride, who recently had a stroke, tell someone that walking his daughter down the aisle was what got him through the painful months of therapy. I've never seen such a proud Daddy as he walked his daughter down the aisle.

Oh, those daddies and their daughters get me every time!



The end. I'm going to the spa. I might not come back.

Meet My New Friends

When clients are rude and difficult, (as they sometimes are), I like to plan a reward in my head for when their event is over.

My business partner copes after the event by yelling, "they are dead to me!" That's how she rolls.

This, my friends, is how I deal:



I no longer remember the rudeness, the drama or my Pepto Bismol runs. I remember the feeling of my new shoes and the saleslady that said, "girl, it sounds like you earned these!"

She has no idea...

The Time Has Come

It's time.

Time for happiness, bliss and Momzillas...

Time for nervous brides, crying fathers and clueless grooms...

Time to work my ever-lovin'-hiney off.

It's wedding season, my friends.

I proudly present my motivation and inspiration...







I may have to wear Spanx after the season is over...but it's so worth it...

Momzillas and Coping

I have a difficult wedding coming up this summer. I am being very vague because I just never know who reads my blog...and I need to be professional. Professional is my middle name, people.

So, in the vast amount of summer weddings we have coming up, there's one that makes me drink Pepto Bismol like it's water. But I can't say which one. But I want to . Cause this Momzilla needs to be exposed. But I won't. Sigh.

Instead, I have decided that I need to come up with a happy thought in preparation for this wedding. I found my happy thought yesterday:



So now, instead of dread, my heart is filled with anticipation for this wedding. Because I will buy these shoes. I have earned these shoes. The price tag will not make me feel guilty. I will wear them with everything. I will expect compliments.

And...everytime I wear them....I will remind myself that I will not be defeated. That I will make lemonade out of lemons. That I will turn Momzillas into happiness.

Take that, crazy lady. Because I am a professional.

Post-Bridal Thoughts

Why do we only get a chance to do this once?




It's unfair. I can't talk about it.

I'm going to put my bridal gown on and clean my house...because I just want to wear it again.

Don't try to stop me.

Autumn Weddings

I just love fall weddings. It is the perfect time to get married in Oklahoma. Cooler weather, autumn colors, hot cider served up by hard-working wedding planners and these....





The only thing that could make them more glorious is........

butter cream.....



And my night is complete.....

THRILLER

Michael Jackson knew how to get the party started.

One cannot argue with this universal truth. Go to a wedding and listen to a Michael Jackson song; people will get up and dance. Test me on this truth, I submit that you will be unable to stay seated. If there is a boring wedding, Amy has the DJ play "Billie Jean" and the guests will start dancing then stay until we kick them out.

You cannot argue with the wedding planner on this one.

In light of this truth, we decided to learn the "Thriller" dance while the *tile was drying. We researched Youtube and I am going to a studio this weekend to fine tune my moves. (White, country girls need all the help they can get, my friends.) Oh yes, if there's a boring party in the future, the McCord Sisters are ready.








*I will post on the Great Bathroom Remodel as soon as it is finished and not mocking me from the other room. Until then, I have found comfort in my mastery of the "Zombie Walk."

The Big Screw-Up

I thrive on organization.

So, imagine my shock, horror and denial when I was told that I had single-handedly booked 2 weddings at the same time. Seriously, I missed Wedding Planners 101 to make that kind of mistake.

One thing I do know about the wedding business: It is unforgivable to ruin a bride's day. Therefore, I immediately went into crisis mode: vomiting and Pentecostal praying.

After much negotiating, sweet-talking, um...begging and compromise we reach an acceptable conclusion that would involve 2 back-to-back weddings. Now, all I had to do was wait patiently, (obsess), until the big day arrived. Of course, I couldn't sleep. I would wake up at 2 in the morning and think about the flower orders or the beer kegs. There is also a distinct possibility that I got on the Lord's nerves with my panic prayers.

I expected people to laugh, tell me what a big mistake I'd made or ask me to reconsider being a business owner. Through that entire 4 weeks, what I didn't expect was grace. In my opinion, I did not deserve any grace for the screw-up of all wedding planner screw-ups. Yet, strangely, this is what was I got:

"It's okay, I'm sure I've done worse. I love you!"
"I can fly in and try to break-up one of the engagements!"
"You are the Chuck Norris of wedding planners!"
"I'll drive down and work for free to help you with the day."
"Every business owner makes mistakes. My nose bleeds daily. Take responsibility, fix it and move on."

I walked into the wedding this weekend, fueled and humbled by grace. Amazingly, the day was perfect. Our crew was flawless, our brides were happy, and there was leftover wine and cake.

Grace is a beautiful thing, indeed.

Things Your Wedding Planners Really Don't Need to Know

My sis and I absolutely love planning weddings. We still squeal when the bride walks down the aisle, we still cry when they say their vows and we always dance at least once during the reception. (Hey, it's our party and we'll dance if we want to...)

We are noticing a funny and frightening trend, however....

Our clients and family like to share intimate secrets with us. Perhaps it is because we help plan such a special day, perhaps it is the hundreds of phone calls and e-mails we exchange during the planning...who knows? It's probably because we're sisters, and everyone knows that you can tell a sister anything.

Here, in no particular order, are our favorite confessions thus far...

*Mother of the Bride: "Now, Sara, I've been with a lot of men. I mean, A LOT of men, but my daughter is a virgin today!"

*Father of the Bride: "I've been married 3 times already. I think my next marriage is going to work now that I know what I'm doing. Are you single? What's your number?"

*Bride: "I think my bridesmaid just had sex in the bathroom."

*Bride: "My fiance' is really into alcohol- it's a big deal. No, we don't want premarital counseling in our wedding package"

*Bride: "My wedding day is all a girl gets in her life, so it's gotta be perfect."

*Bride: "It took me forever to get my fiancee' to marry me. I need to plan this wedding fast!"

*Bridesmaid: "Ummm...the bride has been drinking shots of Crown all night and she's puking outside."


Their confessions make me do this:


But, I admit, I have one, too: I usually eat 3 pieces of leftover wedding cake to get through the night. Just keeping it real.

Why I am a Wedding Planner

I am often asked why I started a wedding business. Why would I want the stress of a wedding every weekend? Why would I want to deal with Bridezillas, Momzillas and Groomzillas? What if I screw up the most important day of their life???

Here is my deep, spiritual answer:








I sample every single one for quality assurance. Sometimes.....ahem.....always twice.

An Open Letter to the Single Guys

This weekend we hosted one of the most beautiful wedding receptions we've ever planned. I have never seen such a gorgeous evening with equally gorgeous ladies. I was horrified at how the evening unfolded, which prompted this letter:

Gentlemen,

It's a jungle out there, I get it. I don't miss dating and I wouldn't want to go back if you paid me. That said, if you're single, there are a few guidelines that I personally recommend. Specifically when you go to a wedding where beautiful, single ladies abound. (Hey, I don't make the rules. You throw a wedding, they show up. Just how it is.)

1. Do not show up in ripped jeans and a baseball hat. Chances are, the bride's family paid thousands of dollars for this wedding, and you don't want to look like a slob.

2. If you see a hottie, offer to get her a glass of wine. Ask her for a dance. Ask her to join you outside for some interesting conversation. Do not do this:

*Blow your cigarette smoke in the faces of these lovely ladies
*Hit on the wedding planner
*Try to feel up the wedding planner. She knows what you're doing when you offer a hug.
*Start pushing another guy so the wedding planner has to get in the middle of it and give her frightening "teacher evil eye" to break it up

3. No one is amused that you can say the "F" word. It's tacky at such occasions and you can control yourself.

4. Do not stand at the bar and down one beer after another. More importantly, do not complain that the bartender isn't pouring the free beer fast enough.

Just trying to help. The ladies weren't impressed with any of this, so began dancing by themselves all evening. What a waste of a romantic night and a new dress.

Come on, fellas, you can do better than this...