Celebrity Nurseries

Laughing at celebrity moms is my guilty pleasure. New-mommy cluelessness and lots of money have humorous results; especially when they design a nursery.

Allow me to introduce one such celebrity baby nursery:




Let's be clear that this room has never actually housed a real baby yet. When it does, the inevitable will occur:

1. A diaper will leak poo on that lovely, plush rug. It will always look a little yellow.
2. Cutesy knick-nacks will be shoved up a nose or worse, put down their pants for safekeeping.
3. Don't let them actually sit on that chair. Dirty hinies have no respect!
4. Hello sparkling windows, allow me to introduce peanut butter. With a booger or two thrown in.
5. That footstool is perfect for trying to reach the shiny chandelier for a good swing. Or giving it a good try, anyway.

Maybe I'm just bitter that I couldn't afford and all-white designer nursery for this little guy:



Then again, maybe that was for the best.

This is What a Real Momma Looks Like, Okay?!

You know what, People magazine?

Back off of Britney.

She is a Mom. This is what we look like. We don't want to glam up when we run to Starbucks. Our thighs are a little heavier than, say, when we were 16. We don't usually match. We have bad hair-days. We don't rush out the door "all put together." In fact, I went to UPS this afternoon sans make-up with queso on my shorts. It's how we roll.




She's just keepin' it real.

Me vs. Celebrity Moms

Just when I feel good about balancing being a woman with being a mommy...

and I feel a sense of pride for the baby-weight I lost...

and smug about the cute clothes I can fit into again.

I open my People magazine and see this:



I gotta stop reading about celebrity moms. These floozies are gonna ruin me...

I am Not Gwen Stefani

While getting my daily dose of celebrity gossip, I saw a picture that rocked me to my core. I felt despair. I felt old. I felt frumpalicious. (My new word for what I look like when I wear my yoga pants all day and neglect my hair and make-up.) I found this picture to be cruel to mothers everywhere:



Seriously, Gwen? How in the hell do you look that hot with a baby and a toddler?

So many things are missing from this picture:

-Baby vomit on your shoulder
-A pooch of baby weight that will never come off
-The diaper bag bigger than the baby
-The "is this really my life?" look on your face

It's time to step up my game. I'm going straight to the sink to brush my teeth, slather on some red lipstick and then throw on my high-heeled boots.

Because I will not be defeated by Gwen Stefani.

Having it All

The recent nomination of powerhouse Sarah Palin has been an exciting event for women everywhere. Although I am stoked at the possibility of change in government and a woman in the White House, my more selfish nature is a little overwhelmed by watching her balance 5 children, a husband and an incredible political career. Have I mentioned that getting to the grocery store is a major ordeal for me these days? How in the world could I take on government corruption as well??



I am still adjusting to the many changes that have come since December 27th:

What I would like to buy:


What I actually spend my money on:




How I would like to look while at home with my baby:




How I actually look while at home with my baby:



Message to Sarah Palin: Stop what you're doing, you're making me look bad!! (And, well, keep up the good work...I actually think you're a studmuffin even though just looking at you makes me tired!)