Mooched Mommy Idea #15: The Mommy Hat

As much as it pains me to admit it, my mommy-style is somewhat.....lacking.  Yes, my friends, sometimes the effort and  the glam is simply not there.

I recently discovered a way to jazz it up a bit when I ran into a college buddy and fellow domestic goddess at the park.  She looked adorable as I was slumming it in my ponytail and Velveeta-on-my-sweatpants look.  Her look was simple, really.  She took a super-cute hat and paired it with the classic jeans and t-shirt.  That's it- and she looked fab.

I immediately went to Ross and bought 3 hats. 

It works!  No matter what I'm wearing, a stylish hat and some red lipstick rocks the mom look even if my outfit is blah.  Or splattered with baby goo.

My idea is so popular, even Angelina Jolie had to copy me:

This is what I look like now.

Of course.

Some ideas:

Tah-dah! (I apologize to my male readers for completely wasting your time with this post.)

Mooched Mommy Idea #12

This concept comes from the Mother of all wisdom....my very own mother. Ever since I became a Mommy, I have the urge to call her everyday and apologize for taking her for granted, being a drama queen and my phase of thinking I was smarter.

If you have ever spent time with me and my sister, you've probably heard my Mom's discipline stories; she was famous for her creativity. Her philosophy, which is the subject of my mooching today, was "make it harder on them than it is on you." Essentially, make discipline swift and strong; making the consequences harder on the child than on the parent.

Allow me some examples:

-In 6th grade, she made me mad at the busstop. In a show of great indepenence, I slammed the door on her and stomped on the bus. Little did I know she got out of the car, (not at maximum cuteness, I might add), and followed me on the bus. The bus went silent. "You go shut the door correctly young lady." I did as she requested, and never slammed another door on her again. I still have nightmares about the silent bus.

-When my sis was in 5th grade, she kept "forgetting" to do her portion of the dishes. Mom's solution? Amy had to carry clean dishes in a sack all evening...even when she went to the neighbor's house to play. Mom even called the neighbor to ensure that my sis was carrying her dishes. Amy never forgot her dishes again.

-She told us that if we ever cut class in high school, she would escort us to all of our classes the next day. We were smart enough never to test her.

-If we were disrespectful or rudely disobedient, she would wake us up 30 minutes early to write sentences. Mom's sentences were a paragraph each. If we were really bad, she would throw in a loooooong scripture.

-If all else failed, we had to pull weeds. In the hot, Oklahoma heat. During morning cartoons. That fixed our attitude faster than anything.

She became so much cooler once we were adults...

Mooched Mommy Idea #11

This one comes from my parenting guru: Aunt Molly. Seriously, go hang with any of her 4 kids and you will know how awesome she is. I'm currently trying to steal one of them, hire the other, and have to wait for the other 2 to graduate before I have all 4 in Tulsa. (insert: evil laugh)

Anywhoo, one of the things that she told me that stuck was: say "yes" as much as you can, and they will include you in their plans. If you say "no" all of the time, they do it anyway behind your back.

I catch myself saying "NO!" all day. It is becoming an act of will to say "yes" more than I say "no." If I'm being totally honest, I usually tell him "no" because it's more convenient for me. Saying "yes" means that there will probably be a bigger mess, more noise and a big chance for embarrassment.

So, here's to saying and enthusiastic "YES!" to big freaking messes and not wincing when he eventually pulls my couch cushions and mattresses out on the lawn to jump off the roof.



*I need to ask Aunt Molly if she had a secret margarita machine to get through parenthood.

Mooched Mommy Idea #10

This mooched mommy idea comes from my good friend, Brad Pitt.

One evening, while we were all hanging out at my house, we started swapping parenting advice. Also, Angelina had an action movie coming up and she wanted some of my personal training tips.

Or, I was reading People magazine. Whatever. Anyway, he said that his best parenting advice is to give his kids a 5 minute warning when it's time to clean-up, switch activities or go somewhere. It struck me as good advice at the time, so I filed it away.

Recently, I've had to pull it out of the file as my little pumpkin poo doesn't like to switch gears as fast as I need him to. It usually looks like this:

Me: Let's go!

Him: NOOOOOOOOOO! NO GO MOMMY!

Me: Let's go, now!

Him: (Closes his eyes so that he can't see me or throws himself on the floor in a great protest.)

Now, thanks to my friend Brad, I know to give him a 5 minute warning so that he can start winding down. It works. He knows his activity is coming to an end, and he'll be moving on soon.

I need to have Brad and Angelina over more often.

Mooched Mommy Idea #9

My son has learned the word, "popsicle." He requests them for breakfast, lunch, dinner and at snack time. Recently, when his baby cousin tried to mooch a lick, he put it on his head to get it out of her reach. Dude means business about his daily treat.

I hate giving him all of that sugar and corn syrup, and have mooched these ideas from fellow mommies:

1. Applesauce popsicles. Just freeze no-sugar applesauce in popsicle molds. Voila!
2. Fruit Chillers. You can find them in the canned fruit section of the grocery store. They are mainly fruit juices with a little sugar added.
3. Frozen grapes, blueberries or bananas. All of these fruits freeze really well, and are quite tasty.

I am currently also looking for healthy alternatives to ice cream, cake and cookies. Not having much luck yet.....

Mooched Mommy Idea #8: The Tattle Problem

Tattling has entered my life. Crap.

I spent two years as a fifth grade teacher dealing with the plight of the tattlers. With 30 plus students, someone was offended and done wrong at all times. It was exhausting. And I thought it was over once I took on full-time mommying.

Shows what I know.

The toddlers, (one is mine, one I have kept part-time since she was 2 months old), have taken to informing me of all things offensive:

"He bumped my head."

"She took my guitar!"

"He's looking at me poop!"

"She ate my macaroni!"

Obviously, I take physical and verbal harm seriously and those are swiftly disciplined. But, for the ridiculous tattles; I've tried reasoning, sassing and ignoring. I recently mooched this idea from a parenting magazine, and it has worked wonders and changed my life:

Simply say, "thank you for letting me know."

They feel heard, I don't have to play judge and jury, and they can go about their business with a short rebound time.

Until someone invades their private pooping time...and it starts all over again.

Mooched Mommy Idea #7: The Box Fan

And this Mooched Mommy Idea comes from Uncle Chuck:




Chuck loves 5 things in life:
1. The hot blond he's married to
2. His 2 little girls
3. A little honesty
4. Cigars
5. The box fan

His personal belief is that the box fan is the cure to all problems in life. Disruptive neighbors? Blast the box fan. Screaming baby? Blast the box fan. Having a knock-down-drag-out with your spouse??...you get the idea.

It's the cure for all of life's inconveniences.

I've found it to be helpful in:

1. Putting cranky babies to sleep. The powerful whir takes them right to dreamland.
2. Blitzing out a tantrum.
3. Cooling me off when I need a time-out from mommying.
4. Drowning out the documentary my husband is blasting.

Thank you, Guru Chuck for your wisdom.

Mooched Mommy Idea #6: The 4 o'clock Clean-Up

I take great offense to untidiness and dirt in my home. And, ever since he came along:



I've obviously had to get over that.

My fabulous Aunt Kathy gave me her top-secret trick: The 4 o'clock Clean-up.

After listening to me obsess about how I cleaned the house ALL DAY LONG, she told me that she only cleaned once a day when her kiddos were little. She said, "you want to live in your house, that's what it's for."

Her plan: At 4 o'clock, everyone cleans up the entire house together. That way, you can have a tidy home at the end of your day, and the kiddos can play all day unfettered. That philosophy has freed me to enjoy the chaos, laugh with my busy boy and clean like a crazy woman only once per day.

Aunt Kathy, my son and my sanity thank you...

Mooched Mommy Idea #5

I swiped this idea in high school Home Ec.

1. Yes, I was in Home Ec.
2. I was actually the Vice President of the Future Homemakers of America.
3. I do, in fact, see the irony.

Moving on.

In the unit on child development, our teacher brought in a huge can of shaving cream and squirted it all over our desks. Everyone in the class was 15 or older, yet we played in our shaving cream for the rest of class. I remember that it smelled much better in there afterward...

I forgot most of what I learned on child development, but I never forgot shaving cream day!

So now, I strip the toddlers to their diapers, squirt a pile of shaving cream and remind them not to touch their eyes.

Endless entertainment!







And it always smells fresh and clean when shaving cream time is done. Not bad for the former VP of FHA, eh?

Mooched Mommy Idea #4: Morning Ice Cream

Toddlers are picky eaters.

Every Mom knows this, but I take it personal anyway. When I prepare a home-cooked meal and he screams in terror at the thought of eating it, I know that karma is paying me back for all the years I did that to my Mom.

Therefore, I look for ways to be sneaky. The best weapon in my arsenal so far is Dr. Sear's Power Smoothie. I make one every morning for my little punk. I can hide all sorts of power-greens in it, too! My deception went one step further when I named it, "Morning Ice Cream."

Here is my edited recipe, and it makes about 2-3 servings of "Morning Ice Cream."

1/2 c. plain, organic lowfat yogurt
Handful of frozen blueberries
Handful of frozen strawberries, (or any other kind of berry;I just use what's in the freezer.)
1 banana
1/2 t. flax oil
1/2 t. berry-flavored cod liver oil, (my pediatrician says this is GREAT for toddlers)
Almond milk, add to right consistency
Handful of power greens: spinach, kale or avacado
Sprinkle of cinnamon
Ice cubes

*I just add milk and ice until I get a consistency he can drink through a straw*

Voila!

He drinks this, and I don't fret about his nutrition for the rest of the day.

Mooched Mommy Idea #3: The Cookbook

All growing up, there was a daily tradition that my Mom never missed: The 4 O'Clock Panic. Due to her deep-seated hatred for cooking...yet determined to provide well-balanced meals for her family...my Mother would wait until 30 minutes before dinnertime to think about, you know, actually cooking dinner.

The Panic would involve tearing through the kitchen, taking inventory of her food supply and then figuring out how to throw together a nice meal that would satisfy one major food snob and 2 little princesses. I'm not gonna lie, a lot of Hamburger Helper was involved.

When I had my very own family to cook for, I learned quickly that the 4 O'Clock Panic was not for me. I just couldn't throw together anything on-the-fly.

Enter MMI #3: the Photo Book Cookbook.

Seeing my despair, my former boss, Jennifer Jones, took a photo album and filled it with 4x6 index cards of her favorite recipes. She knew my cooking prowess was non-existent, so she made them easy and they didn't have more than 7 or so ingredients.

I use it almost every evening. It's how I plan my meals and my corresponding grocery list. I steal meal ideas all the time, add it to my book, and throw away the ones I don't use. This system has brought sanity into my kitchen for 5 years.

Let the cooking-challenged-wives rejoice!



Oh, and Happy Birthday, Mom. The 4 O'Clock Panic is further proof that you love us madly.

Mooched Mommy Idea #2

I started this Mooched Mommy Ideas segment in hopes of passing on ideas I stole that make my life easier. Today's MMI: Water Play

I mooched this idea from Carolyn when she told me her daughter would stand at the sink for 30 minutes and do dishes.

30 minutes.

I went right home and filled up the kitchen sink. I'm just keeping it real: there is nothing more pleasant than busy toddlers that are not demanding my attention.

I add some plastic dishes, a little soap for bubble fun and they each get an apron. (Sidenote: these are not all my children, I participate in a baby-sitting exchange.)

I feel there are 5 major advantages:
1. I can finish my coffee and surf people.com
2. They practice doing dishes.
3. They have a blast.
4. They will have cleaner toddler hands.
5. I can finish my coffee and surf people.com


Hard at work...

Mooched Mommy Idea #1

My first day as a teacher, I received advice that has changed my life:

"Everyone mooches ideas, no one is original. If you see something you like, copy-cat it!"

I have carried that wisdom into my mommy career and it holds true. If I'm doing something cool or educational with my toddler, I can almost guarantee I mooched the idea. So, without further ado, here is MMI #1:

The Cozy Corner
This idea was mooched from my mommy friend, Julie. The cozy corner is a quiet place in the house, stuffed with blankets, pillow and books. The goal is for children to have a special place to focus on reading. I've been doing it for about a year, and he'll read for up to 20 minutes now. Woo-hoo!

My cozy corner is in my toddler's closet. I sit in there with him and read my book as he reads his. Sometimes he lasts 5 minutes, sometimes he'll go for 20 if the book really catches his attention. Sometimes, he has to sit in his laundry basket to really focus... All I know, is that it's been a brilliant idea to help foster the love of reading in his little 2-year-old heart.



Ahhhh....silence...

The Kitchen Booty Dance

Toddlers and a husband means I could clean my kitchen all day. Every day. I decided a year ago that I would not do dishes 24/7. Even though I could. I prepare 3 meals and 2 snacks per day; you do the math. I'm in the kitchen all day, and it is ALWAYS messy.

To make this unpleasant task more fun, I put an I-Pod docking station in the kitchen and regularly update my I-Pod with dance music. Just in case I bust out my old junior high cheerleading routines while scrubbing cheerios off the floor. I just never know how the spirit is going to move me.

I humbly offer my playlist that makes this housewifing duty much, much more fun...

The Official Domestic Goddess Clean-the-Damn-Kitchen Playlist

1. Tik Tok....................Kesha
2. Telephone................Lady GaGa and Beyonce
3. Womanizer...............Britney Spears
4. Boom Boom Pow.....Black-Eyed Peas
5. Waking Up in Vegas...Katy Perry
6. Just Dance................Lady GaGa
7. Party in the USA......Miley Cyrus
8. Jessie's Girl.............Rick Springfield
9. Disturbia..................Rhiana
10. Billie Jean...............Michael Jackson
11. Maneater...............Nelly Furtado
12. Vertigo..................U2

Trust me...this will be fun. Your kitchen will be clean before you know it. You will get in a cardio workout. It will change how you do chores.

Imagine you look like this:



Ignore your husband if he makes fun of you.