Mommyhood: Take 2

It's pure excitement to have a second baby. With my first, it was 50% excitement, 50% terror. This time around, though, I'm just not scared anymore. I don't plan on drowning in insecurities and 37 baby books that all say different things.

I've been pondering what I want to do differently this time around and, true to form, I made a Top-Ten list:

What I wish I would Have Done the First Time...

1. I will not live in fear that I don't know what's best for my baby. And I won't be afraid to tell a well-meaning relative/friend/stranger, "Thank you for your advice, but I'm her Momma."

2. I will not ruin my life and my daughter's life by trying to put her on a stringent schedule right away. I'm going to get to know her, enjoy the chaos and hold her as much as I can.

3. I won't debate my position on vaccines anymore. I've done the research, I've talked to doctors and we feel this is best for our babies.

4. I'm going to buy the most comfortable rocking chair known to man. Lord knows I'm going to be in it enough to make it worth the bucks. My best bud spent hundreds on hers, (I thought that was silly), but her back and hiney were much happier than mine, I'm sure.

5. I'm going to "wear" my baby this time. I wish I would have bought the sling with my first- he just loved being close to me all the time and carrying him everywhere was hard on my back.

6. I'm going to, (gulp!), stop eating dairy after the baby is born. My first-born would have had a MUCH happier belly if I had done that for him.

7. I will complain about not eating dairy and I will give you the evil eye if you eat ice cream in front of me.

8. I will have my Mom and Sis in the delivery room. Everything went wrong the first time, and I had never felt so alone. (Yes, my husband was there, but he stayed with our son when the nurse had to take him away.)

9. I will buy a nice, soft robe for my hospital stay. One that will keep all my chubby bits hidden when I have visitors.

10. I will ENJOY her...I will drink her in...I won't rush...I won't give myself a beating everytime I don't have my "to-do" list checked off...I will cherish this time.

The end.

Mooched Mommy Idea #12

This concept comes from the Mother of all wisdom....my very own mother. Ever since I became a Mommy, I have the urge to call her everyday and apologize for taking her for granted, being a drama queen and my phase of thinking I was smarter.

If you have ever spent time with me and my sister, you've probably heard my Mom's discipline stories; she was famous for her creativity. Her philosophy, which is the subject of my mooching today, was "make it harder on them than it is on you." Essentially, make discipline swift and strong; making the consequences harder on the child than on the parent.

Allow me some examples:

-In 6th grade, she made me mad at the busstop. In a show of great indepenence, I slammed the door on her and stomped on the bus. Little did I know she got out of the car, (not at maximum cuteness, I might add), and followed me on the bus. The bus went silent. "You go shut the door correctly young lady." I did as she requested, and never slammed another door on her again. I still have nightmares about the silent bus.

-When my sis was in 5th grade, she kept "forgetting" to do her portion of the dishes. Mom's solution? Amy had to carry clean dishes in a sack all evening...even when she went to the neighbor's house to play. Mom even called the neighbor to ensure that my sis was carrying her dishes. Amy never forgot her dishes again.

-She told us that if we ever cut class in high school, she would escort us to all of our classes the next day. We were smart enough never to test her.

-If we were disrespectful or rudely disobedient, she would wake us up 30 minutes early to write sentences. Mom's sentences were a paragraph each. If we were really bad, she would throw in a loooooong scripture.

-If all else failed, we had to pull weeds. In the hot, Oklahoma heat. During morning cartoons. That fixed our attitude faster than anything.

She became so much cooler once we were adults...

Mooched Mommy Idea #11

This one comes from my parenting guru: Aunt Molly. Seriously, go hang with any of her 4 kids and you will know how awesome she is. I'm currently trying to steal one of them, hire the other, and have to wait for the other 2 to graduate before I have all 4 in Tulsa. (insert: evil laugh)

Anywhoo, one of the things that she told me that stuck was: say "yes" as much as you can, and they will include you in their plans. If you say "no" all of the time, they do it anyway behind your back.

I catch myself saying "NO!" all day. It is becoming an act of will to say "yes" more than I say "no." If I'm being totally honest, I usually tell him "no" because it's more convenient for me. Saying "yes" means that there will probably be a bigger mess, more noise and a big chance for embarrassment.

So, here's to saying and enthusiastic "YES!" to big freaking messes and not wincing when he eventually pulls my couch cushions and mattresses out on the lawn to jump off the roof.



*I need to ask Aunt Molly if she had a secret margarita machine to get through parenthood.

Momisms II

And so my tradition continues. I never know what's going to come out of my mouth on any given day with a toddler...

"You have your own food. Mine does not taste any better than yours. "

"Don't eat Daddy's Bible."

"Don't touch anyone's privates but your own." (This also handy advice for teenagers/college students.)

"Popsicles are not for breakfast, lunch or dinner."

"Just sitting on the potty and smiling does not earn you a chocolate chip."
*Chocolate chips are my potty-training prize*

"You are not invited to date night."

"Sunday school is not a punishment."

"You do not need to watch your friends poop."

"Get my sunglasses out of the ranch dressing!"

"If you kick me one more time, Grandaddy cannot save you."
*At this point, I give my Dad the stink eye to enforce my threat as he likes to rush in and sing HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! when his grandbaby is being punished.

My Legacy

There is absolutely no denying that I have a fondness for words that I shouldn't. I have managed to offend several people I love, was trying to impress or should have been trying to impress. I have honestly been trying like never before to say "shoot" or "darn" or "bummer" in lieu of the word I actually want to say. First of all, it's just tacky to talk that way. Second, I have a toddler that repeats my words.

So, I've been trying. Please keep that in mind.

Scene: Playing cards with my Mommy friends.

Her: My daughter said something the other day, I think she got it from you.

Me: Oh, really?

I ran through all of my most-used saying:

-Super Duper!
-I want both of you to be sweet to each other!
-Tattling hurts my ears.
- You can get glad in the same shoes you got mad.
-Cool Beans!
-Run like the wind!

* I was hoping it was something cute and sweet......

Her: Yeah, she was frustrated about something and said, "Oh, CRAP!"

Oh, cr.........bummer.

Summer School

Summer has been a busy time for my busy boy. He's had his very own summer school. In fact, it has inspired him to request a toolbox. I pretend I don't understand him.

His summer training:

Auto Mechanics

*Fixing my Jeep with Grandaddy. I was just hoping he wouldn't puncture anything important.

Home Interior

*Painting the trim with Daddy. I'm not sure who was wearing more paint after this project.

Home Ec

*Making nummies with GG. She would put in the ingredients, and he would take out the chocolate chips for a quality check.

Cosmetology

*Giving his cousin a nice pedicure. Oh wait, this doesn't look right. The Manliness Police will be after me for sure this time. Crap.

Guest Blogger

I don't normally host guest bloggers, but my 2-year-old son insisted that he share his thoughts about his Daddy.

So, a BIG welcome to Cale and his post:

Why My Daddy is the Greatest!


by Cale

When I pee in the potty, you act like it's the most exciting news you've ever heard in your life.

When you grill, I get to wear an apron and hold the tongs. I feel very manly.

You put your aftershave on my cheeks and we both make Mommy smell us.

You swim with me in my kiddie pool, even though I probably peed in it.

You teach me to say, "thank you, Mommy, for cooking for us" at every meal. That's going to make me a fantastic husband someday...if Mommy ever lets me date.

You take me on adventures at the park, museum, zoo, Chick-Fil-A, the pool, Incredible Pizza, the ranch and the backyard.

You sneak yummy treats to me when Mommy is not looking.

You wrestle with me and never get upset that I always win. My muscles are very big, you know. And, you don't freak out too much when our wrestling gets out of hand and I accidentally kick you in the.....area.....

You clean me, the sheets, the bed and the carpet when I throw-up. And you have no help because Mommy is gagging in the other room.

You read to me everyday, and even do the special voices.

When you come home after a long day, you play with me all evening and fill my little tank with Daddy love.

You're the greatest. I WUV you!

Staying At Home

My Canadian mommy friend wrote this about being a working mother. She likes to stir it up, that one. It made me think about my beliefs about "stay-at-home-mothering." Let's see, I think I lasted 6 months "at home" before I started climbing the walls and began my own business.

Frankly, everyone seems to have a strong opinion about stay-at-home vs. working mothers. I've been called a "breeder" by a little snot that thought her work-out routine was more important than children. I've been questioned by truly curious women that wonder if life will be over once motherhood enters their life, (totally fair.) I've also been told by a few that "a woman's place is in the home." Well, hallelujah...

I'm confused.

My philosophy: I don't want to miss my "momma season" with my son. But, I know I'll enjoy it more and do it better if my life is balanced. My big, deep philosophy: Balance. I don't think my world should ever revolve solely around kids. Nor do I believe it should revolve solely around career, money, church, fun, my husband, my family or myself.

How about a balance of all of them?

And....can't we all just get along?!?!

A Princess Story

I would never tell a bright-eyed princess this; but it's totally true. And I laughed till I cried:



*via Sarah @ http://www.emergingmummy.com/

The Manliness Police

I am the mother of a boy. He likes to be outside, he loves being dirty and he has no tolerance for quiet activities. I must admit, some days I have no idea what to do with him, but I don't fret. I know that if I get out of line, I have the ever-faithful Manliness Police to keep me accountable as I raise my son.

Allow me to introduce:

Officer You-Give-Him-Too-Many-Baths:

*Bought his first cowboy hat, boots, John Deere tractor and shotgun.

Officer He-Can-Drive-If-He-Wants-To:

*Bought his first fishing pole, 4-wheeler and life-sized tiger.

Officer Don't-Let-My-Nephew-Attend-Princess-Parties-Ever-Again

*Bought his first baseball, bat and Transformers t-shirt

Officer They-Are-Not-Panties-They-Are-UNDIES

*Bought his first superhero t-shirt, toy cars and remote control.

This group of ever-vigilant watchdogs works tirelessly to keep me in the know of all things manly. If I mess up, they are faithful with a lecture, text or phone call. When my son pees outside, shows his muscles or smells like a puppy, I know they are happy with my mothering. When my son wanted to wear a sequined barrette to Target, there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

My bad.

For the Mommas!

I received this card from my brother and sister-in-law. It made me cry. And then once I was done crying, I laughed at how ridiculously true it is. (If memory serves correct, on that very day I was obsessing about why my son had a runny nose for a month straight.)

And I wanted to share it because I know that most of my readers are Mommies that:

1. Worry too much
2. Work too hard
3. Forget that, despite us, our kids will turn out okay anyway




Take a deep breath, dear Mommy friends. We're gonna get through this together!

On God and Toddlers

There are so many instances where I am teaching my toddler a lesson and I wonder, "Is this how I act towards God?" (It's sad that I can sometimes equate my behavior/actions with a toddler's; just keeping it real.)

For instance, this morning I heard my toddler exuding a considerable amount of effort in the other room trying to move a huge bin of toys. Naturally, I offered some assistance.

Him: I do it!

Me: Well, I'm stronger and I can lift this for you.

Him: No help! I do it!

Pant, groan, push, strain.....

I had to smile. It sounds like recent conversations I've had with God:

"I got this!"

"I'll pray if things go wrong!"

"It's under control!"

Pant, groan, push, strain.....

And, perhaps, He steps back and watches me...smiles...and loves me anyway.

The Kitchen Booty Dance

Toddlers and a husband means I could clean my kitchen all day. Every day. I decided a year ago that I would not do dishes 24/7. Even though I could. I prepare 3 meals and 2 snacks per day; you do the math. I'm in the kitchen all day, and it is ALWAYS messy.

To make this unpleasant task more fun, I put an I-Pod docking station in the kitchen and regularly update my I-Pod with dance music. Just in case I bust out my old junior high cheerleading routines while scrubbing cheerios off the floor. I just never know how the spirit is going to move me.

I humbly offer my playlist that makes this housewifing duty much, much more fun...

The Official Domestic Goddess Clean-the-Damn-Kitchen Playlist

1. Tik Tok....................Kesha
2. Telephone................Lady GaGa and Beyonce
3. Womanizer...............Britney Spears
4. Boom Boom Pow.....Black-Eyed Peas
5. Waking Up in Vegas...Katy Perry
6. Just Dance................Lady GaGa
7. Party in the USA......Miley Cyrus
8. Jessie's Girl.............Rick Springfield
9. Disturbia..................Rhiana
10. Billie Jean...............Michael Jackson
11. Maneater...............Nelly Furtado
12. Vertigo..................U2

Trust me...this will be fun. Your kitchen will be clean before you know it. You will get in a cardio workout. It will change how you do chores.

Imagine you look like this:



Ignore your husband if he makes fun of you.

Cracking Open the Parenting Books

Does anyone else see the similarities?






I'm a huge believer in parenting books. I personally think Dr. Kevin Leman is a leading expert. Freaking brilliant. He has amazing books on relationships, parenting, sex, birth order and discipline. I've read almost all of them, and they've educated, challenged and changed me.

Recently, when I was at a loss about what to do with a defiant toddler, I acquired his book, "Making your Children Mind Without Losing Yours." He employs a discipline theory called, "reality discipline." It is simply:

We never tell parents to punish. We tell them to discipline, train, and teach their kids, but that doesn't mean that there might not be some kind of “pain” or consequence involved. That's how the kids learn what the real world is like and how it works. Reality Discipline gives the child a chance to make his own decisions and then live with the result of his mistakes and his failures or his good choices and his successes.

Using reality discipline means...

1. Being in healthy authority over your children.
2. Holding your children accountable for their actions
3. Combining love and limits on a consistent basis.
4. Dealing with every child as the unique individual he or she is.
5. Being tough but always fair.
6. Using action instead of words.
7. Sticking to your guns and following through with enforcing consequences.
8. Following the biblical instruction not to exasperate your children and make them angry and resentful, but to bring them up with loving discipline and godly advice (see Eph. 6:4, The Living Bible).

Love it. Trying it. I'll let ya know how it goes.

The Things I Do for a Toddler

Evidence is mounting that my son has too many toys. When his bestie got a red car, I allegedly went straight to Babies R'Us and bought one for him. He was seriously in love with it- and the devil made me do it.

Clearly.

The drama happened when my husband had to work late and my son insisted on driving the car immediately.


"Easy" 50-step instructions:


I have a college degree- how hard can this be? Oh, my battered pride:


He wouldn't leave me alone, I wasn't assembling fast enough...so he drove it like this until bedtime:


After much concentration, bad words muttered under my breath, a screwdriver being thrown across the room and making my husband finish the job at midnight...I present....



And that ends my desire to do it all myself-I don't need help-my son wants this-I can totally follow directions.

Onslaught

I don't have a daughter, but I have many little princesses in my life that I love madly. This made me nauseous.



Reactions?

CSI: Tulsa

One of the first things we did before we bought our house was to check the criminal activity in the neighborhood. We felt our area was safe and that it would be a great place to raise our son.

That changed last week when I saw gang tagging all over my house. The perpetrators graffitied the front of our house, the porch, the door and the garage.

I immediately tracked down the perps and made them clean up their mess. They resisted at first, but I'm pretty much a bad-ass and they didn't stand a chance.





I won't stand for gang activity at my home.

I Get No Respect

The directions were:

1. Keep the shaving cream away from your face.

2. Don't touch your clothes with the shaving cream.

3. Don't touch each other with the shaving cream.







Because what I say is law around these parts.

Clearly.

My Childless Wisdom

When I was childless and knew everything, I said things like:

1. I won't let my kid eat in the car.

2. I won't give my kid much sugar.

3. I won't get my kid fast food.

4. I certainly would never give my kid sugar as a reward for good behavior.







I now have a toddler, I know nothing and he loves Sonic ice cream. It seems to be working out okay...and carseat covers can be washed....

A Time to Reflect

Because there needs to be a place they can go to:

-calm down

-reflect on poor choices

-think about better choices

-be alone

-feel the consequences of hitting, biting, kicking, hair pulling or any bullying behavior




The happiness in the clearly marked UNHAPPY place reveal they might not be getting the message....