Lessons from My 9-Month-Old

Being home with my little guy has forced encouraged me to be more contemplative and enjoy the small things. As he clapped delightedly for the colon cleanse commercial I was watching, I thought about how he makes me see the joy in everything.

Here's a few of my "Cale Lessons:"

-You never know if something is tasty unless you cram it in your mouth and clench your jaws so mommy can't fish it out.

-Any occasion is a good time to poo. Loudly and with gusto is the preferred method.

-Smearing spit and drool on a mirror is best when it's freshly Windexed. It's more artistic that way.

-It's holier to sing and shout to God when everyone else in church is quiet and reverent.

-If the outfit isn't comfy and play-worthy, it might as well stay in the closet. Even if Mommy spent a large sum at Baby Gap.

-Empty tupperware and a wooden spoon are better toys than anything Fisher Price could put out.

-Why have teeth if you can't practice biting Mom until she won't nurse anymore?

-Mommy will hurry faster if alligator tears are involved.

Yep, folks, I didnt learn this stuff in college.

Operation: Cute Hiney

Okay, we're into our second week of no sugar, fast food, soda, or cheesy goodness. The first week was killer. I had a headache for 3 days straight and I was lusting after Ben and Jerry. (It's ice cream, people!)

I'm slowly getting used to snacking on fruit, almonds, low sodium pretzels and gum. Yes, gum is a genius way to curb your eating when you're not really hungry. When I feel like eating the walls because I want a french fry, I have a stick of gum and wait it out.

My plan was going pretty well until my husband sent me this to show me where we could go after our sugar hiatus ended:


Where's the damn gum?

Red-Faced

I took my son on a much-needed grocery trip this afternoon. As I returned the cart to the proper holding place I was met with the cart attendant who had a huge grin on his face. I surmised it was one of these reasons:

1. He was impressed that I could unload groceries, hold a fidgety 9-month-old, and still return my cart.

2. He thought my son was so darn cute with his mohawk.

3. I forgot to wear my wedding ring and he was flirting.

The real reason for his ever-increasing grin became apparent when I looked down, and saw that my precious son had pulled down my shirt to give everyone in the Wal-Mart parking lot a good look at his dinner. Sigh.

Me and my ego quickly scurried to my car.

The Big Health Plan Update

I want a hot fudge sundae.

No, I DESPERATELY want a hot fudge sundae.

So, we started our spanking new health plan. I had no idea how much sugar I pounded in my mouth until the withdrawals started happening sometime this morning. Enormous headache. Flu-like symptoms. Overall crabbiness.

And this is only Day 2.

The shame.

My sweetie and I were starving by dinnertime last night because, apparently, we weren't quite sure how to eat well, so we ate little at all. I'm off to the grocery store to buy healthy snacks today, and the only thing we could come up with were grapes and Chex Mix. Geeze, you would think two educated adults could do better than this.

Any ideas?