Monday, June 8, 2009

An Open Letter to the Single Guys

This weekend we hosted one of the most beautiful wedding receptions we've ever planned. I have never seen such a gorgeous evening with equally gorgeous ladies. I was horrified at how the evening unfolded, which prompted this letter:


It's a jungle out there, I get it. I don't miss dating and I wouldn't want to go back if you paid me. That said, if you're single, there are a few guidelines that I personally recommend. Specifically when you go to a wedding where beautiful, single ladies abound. (Hey, I don't make the rules. You throw a wedding, they show up. Just how it is.)

1. Do not show up in ripped jeans and a baseball hat. Chances are, the bride's family paid thousands of dollars for this wedding, and you don't want to look like a slob.

2. If you see a hottie, offer to get her a glass of wine. Ask her for a dance. Ask her to join you outside for some interesting conversation. Do not do this:

*Blow your cigarette smoke in the faces of these lovely ladies
*Hit on the wedding planner
*Try to feel up the wedding planner. She knows what you're doing when you offer a hug.
*Start pushing another guy so the wedding planner has to get in the middle of it and give her frightening "teacher evil eye" to break it up

3. No one is amused that you can say the "F" word. It's tacky at such occasions and you can control yourself.

4. Do not stand at the bar and down one beer after another. More importantly, do not complain that the bartender isn't pouring the free beer fast enough.

Just trying to help. The ladies weren't impressed with any of this, so began dancing by themselves all evening. What a waste of a romantic night and a new dress.

Come on, fellas, you can do better than this...