Monday, June 6, 2011

My Job is Entertaining....

A few wedding observations thus far.....

-Don't hit on the wedding planner.  It's a waste of time; we're working.  And, in my case, married and 6 months pregnant.  But, yes, I'm oddly flattered...

-The most overlooked place to meet women is a wedding.  It is my observation that men group together and drink at weddings instead of dancing with the beautiful ladies that are in abundance.  Put the beer down, pop a breath mint and ask one to dance.

-If you cannot dance, then march in place.  I watched a guy march all evening on the dance floor.  That's it-  that's all the game he had.  He was surrounded by lovely ladies all night.  March on, brother.

-If you're married, dance with your wife. Chances are, she has on a new dress, new heels and quite possibly a spray tan. Show her off. It's also perfectly acceptable to cop a feel on the dance floor, too.

-Do not bring children to weddings.  If you have to, (or it's a family wedding), then watch them.  Keep them away from jumping on the cake, pulling down the lights, knocking over tables or wreaking havoc.  No one thinks the little pumpkin is adorable when they are out-of-control....especially the wedding planners. 

-If you are a lady, wear a slip if you're going to wear a dress.  Stained glass in a chapel is unforgiving, and it will shine a light on your business.  All of it.

-Go on Youtube and learn the line dances to "Cotton-Eyed Joe,"  "Copperhead Road," "Cupid Shuffle," The Cha-Cha,"  and, (if you're really ambitious), "Thriller."  The DJ always plays these songs, and they are a BLAST to dance to!

-It's not necessary to ask for "just a tiny piece of cake."  We know you'll be back for seconds, have a big's a wedding!

-If you wear Spanx with your dress, be careful about twirling on the dance floor.  The whole place will know you're wearing bright, white Spanx if you start spinning in a state of drunken happiness.

-If it is someone else's wedding, it is never an appropriate time to have a lengthy conversation about your wedding.  If you're not the bride, no one cares.  Really.

-Deodorant.  It's important.

I freaking love my job, I really do.

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