Friday, April 24, 2009

Add "Scooper" to my Job Duties

I will now explain why there is a naked baby and a hose on the back porch.

Since diaper rash has been the major drama this week, I've been receiving great advice from my mommy friends. (By the way, I would be LOST without my mommy friends...lost and in the fetal position on my closet floor.)

Mom #3 suggested letting the little guy run naked in the back yard to "air out" his hiney. So, I stripped him down and let him run wild while I ate his green Popsicle. He squealed with delight as he peed off the back porch. (Does every guy do that??) and he ran around the yard, looking for fun and exciting places to pee some more.

I knew there was no stopping it when he made "the face." You know, the face that means I'll be changing a nasty diaper soon. I was frozen on the lawn chair as I watched him squat. I remained frozen as he stomped all over it. My brain finally kicked in when he went to pick it up. With a screeching "NOOOOOOOOOO!", I made it over to him and picked him up. It was too late. There was doodie all over his shoes, hands and my back porch.

I took a deep breath and mentally kicked myself for doing this while my husband was out of town. I can't handle this sort of thing. I'm the girl that takes 30-minute showers and only goes outside now that I have a son and I have to.

My solution came when the sight of the garden hose caught my eye. Oh yes, I POWER WASHED anything that was brown, and that includes his little hiney that he clenched because the water was so cold. I tried not to touch anything. I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. Then, I gave him the hose in case I missed anything.

My new rule is no baby backyard nudity while my husband is on a business trip. That is the most important rule I've ever created.

Now, I'm going to call my sister and brother/sister-in-law and apologize for laughing at them when they followed their dogs around with a little plastic bag to scoop the poop. I am, officially, a pooper scooper myself.


Chells said...

Holy crap, that's awesome!!!!! You had it comin'!!!!

Kelli said...

Girlfriend I know this is probably not what you want to hear but you totally make my day sometimes with your great and funny posts!!! Sorry for your unfortunate experience! Love ya!

Tracey said...

I think my boys still pee off the porch!