The Snotty Nose and the Drama Queen

It finally happened. The thing I've been trying to avoid for 11 months.

My baby is sick.

It started Wednesday night with a fever over 102 degrees, (which makes a new mom freak), and continued into the weekend. My arm and hip ached from holding him all day, and we lived on fast food for a week because I couldn't put him down to cook.

My doctor said to keep an eye on him and watch his fever. Ever the drama queen, I took his temperature, shot saline solution up his nose, and called my mom every 2 hours. I might have over-used my calling privileges to the nurse at my doctor's office as well. When I brought him in today, she immediately recognized my voice and knew why I was there. I'm not even embarrassed.

It hit me, sometime between tearing through Target looking for the perfect vaporizer and trying to figure out a way to sleep in his room that I am, oh crap, the mom now.

My friend Carolyn read my thoughts when she said, "you're wondering what you did wrong." Yes, exactly. How could he get sick when I've done everything the books, doctors and mommies told me?

The answer didn't come to me until Dr. B. took one look at my panicked face and said, "Sara, you can't keep him in a bubble." She's right, and I'm going to struggle with that until my son looks at me, one day, and tells me the same thing his daddy does:

"Leave me alone, I'm a man and I have the constitution of an ox."

Thank goodness, my poor, 'ol heart can't take much more of this.

I Can't Help It!

Every mommy gets more unsolicited advice than they will ever want. I used to get all testy when a well-meaning mom would give me suggestions. How dare she! Of course, now that I am a mom, I find myself "sharing my thoughts" before biting my tongue when I realize I'm doing the exact same thing I used to gripe about. Even though I think I have some fabulous tips, I will keep them to myself unless asked...and, write them on my blog to no one in particular.

What I've Learned in the First Year of Mommyhood: Part I


1. Stop reading so many parenting books, they'll make you crazy. My husband was going to revoke my library card at one point. That said, these are my only recommendations:

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth (the baby sleep BIBLE!)
  
• The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears
• The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood by Dr. William Sears
• Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron
• Baby Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (she's hilarious and I needed a laugh!)
  

2. Try the attachment parenting theory when they're newborn, there is NO FREAKING WAY you will ever put a newborn on a schedule until they're fat, happy and less gassy. you'll start sleeping again around 4-months.

3. Get over life never being the same.

4. You know those nice clothes you used to wear? Get yourself to Wal-Mart and be introduced to your new wardrobe for the next few years. Yeah, you know you look sexy in those Hanes t-shirts! Work it, baby!

5. Krispy Kreme has a drive-thru. Use it on those really bad days. Don't even be ashamed.

6. Things to register for: A Medela Breastpump, a video monitor, (it's not a waste of money if you're paranoid like me and check on your baby every 10 minutes..), a bottle warmer, and an easy stroller.

7. Get out of the house at least once every day. Fresh air is revitalizing.

8. Give your baby 1tsp of flax oil everyday after they're 6 months old and you will never have constipation drama again. Try to make sure your husband is on duty when that flax kicks in.

More to come, I have to get this all out before my friend has her first baby. It's like I have advice diarrhea!

My Rampage

I didn't want to be that mom.

You know, the know-it-all that walked into her pediatrician's office with an armload of research and 1,000 questions to squeeze into a 10-minute well-baby check-up.

And then he came along, and I can't stop reading and questioning.

I'm learning, after countless hours of research and interviewing, that the current load of vaccinations given to children could have an adverse affect on their health. There are compelling arguments for both sides:

Why would I subject my baby to a disease if I could protect him from it?

Why would I inject my baby with a substance that has been linked to autoimmune disorders or, quite possibly, autism?

I thought my biggest battles would be the sleepless nights and the "extra love" that hangs over my jeans now. Not so much. I've scoured the library and the internet looking for information to give me peace and knowledge about vaccinating our son. I've quizzed parents, nurses, doctors and health nuts, trying to find a solid answer. I've been told a range of things from, "stand your ground, girl, this is your baby and the doctors don't know everything," to, "there needs to be more vaccinations because, praise Jesus, they are just wonderful."

I trust my mommy instinct. I trust, after all of my reading, that the mommies are on to something, and they won't be quiet about it until appropriate research is done into this very important matter. So, I'm going to continue researching, asking and terrorizing my pediatrician. (I think I'll bake her cookies next time...)

Why be a nutcase about it?

Because he's worth it- and I'm just a little nutty anyway.

Lessons from My 9-Month-Old

Being home with my little guy has forced encouraged me to be more contemplative and enjoy the small things. As he clapped delightedly for the colon cleanse commercial I was watching, I thought about how he makes me see the joy in everything.

Here's a few of my "Cale Lessons:"

-You never know if something is tasty unless you cram it in your mouth and clench your jaws so mommy can't fish it out.

-Any occasion is a good time to poo. Loudly and with gusto is the preferred method.

-Smearing spit and drool on a mirror is best when it's freshly Windexed. It's more artistic that way.

-It's holier to sing and shout to God when everyone else in church is quiet and reverent.

-If the outfit isn't comfy and play-worthy, it might as well stay in the closet. Even if Mommy spent a large sum at Baby Gap.

-Empty tupperware and a wooden spoon are better toys than anything Fisher Price could put out.

-Why have teeth if you can't practice biting Mom until she won't nurse anymore?

-Mommy will hurry faster if alligator tears are involved.

Yep, folks, I didnt learn this stuff in college.

Operation: Cute Hiney

Okay, we're into our second week of no sugar, fast food, soda, or cheesy goodness. The first week was killer. I had a headache for 3 days straight and I was lusting after Ben and Jerry. (It's ice cream, people!)

I'm slowly getting used to snacking on fruit, almonds, low sodium pretzels and gum. Yes, gum is a genius way to curb your eating when you're not really hungry. When I feel like eating the walls because I want a french fry, I have a stick of gum and wait it out.

My plan was going pretty well until my husband sent me this to show me where we could go after our sugar hiatus ended:


Where's the damn gum?

Red-Faced

I took my son on a much-needed grocery trip this afternoon. As I returned the cart to the proper holding place I was met with the cart attendant who had a huge grin on his face. I surmised it was one of these reasons:

1. He was impressed that I could unload groceries, hold a fidgety 9-month-old, and still return my cart.

2. He thought my son was so darn cute with his mohawk.

3. I forgot to wear my wedding ring and he was flirting.

The real reason for his ever-increasing grin became apparent when I looked down, and saw that my precious son had pulled down my shirt to give everyone in the Wal-Mart parking lot a good look at his dinner. Sigh.

Me and my ego quickly scurried to my car.

The Big Health Plan Update

I want a hot fudge sundae.

No, I DESPERATELY want a hot fudge sundae.

So, we started our spanking new health plan. I had no idea how much sugar I pounded in my mouth until the withdrawals started happening sometime this morning. Enormous headache. Flu-like symptoms. Overall crabbiness.

And this is only Day 2.

The shame.

My sweetie and I were starving by dinnertime last night because, apparently, we weren't quite sure how to eat well, so we ate little at all. I'm off to the grocery store to buy healthy snacks today, and the only thing we could come up with were grapes and Chex Mix. Geeze, you would think two educated adults could do better than this.

Any ideas?