And so my tradition continues. I never know what's going to come out of my mouth on any given day with a toddler...
"You have your own food. Mine does not taste any better than yours. "
"Don't eat Daddy's Bible."
"Don't touch anyone's privates but your own." (This also handy advice for teenagers/college students.)
"Popsicles are not for breakfast, lunch or dinner."
"Just sitting on the potty and smiling does not earn you a chocolate chip."
*Chocolate chips are my potty-training prize*
"You are not invited to date night."
"Sunday school is not a punishment."
"You do not need to watch your friends poop."
"Get my sunglasses out of the ranch dressing!"
"If you kick me one more time, Grandaddy cannot save you."
*At this point, I give my Dad the stink eye to enforce my threat as he likes to rush in and sing HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! when his grandbaby is being punished.